Hues of soul

Straw I was blinded by tears and had to pause many times to wipe them away as I watched 'Straw' . Straw is a psychological drama written , produced and directed by Tyler Perry, streaming on Netflix. The movie deals with trauma, guilt, helplessness, and grief.  Janhiya, a single mother with an ailing  child, struggled to have a roof over their head and to provide for her daughter 's  meals and medicines. She was desperately anxious, extremely  careful and tried hard to avoid  her baby girl to be taken  away by the Child Protection Agency. But a series of unfortunate events ended her in a bank with a blood-stained pay cheque and a gun.  Throughout the ordeal, Janhiya reiterated that nobody cared about her struggles, but got many sympathisers including a lady police officer and the bank manager, by the time she surrendered to the FBI. Though  melodramatic,  the fact that a part of the events portrayed, actually happened only in Janh...

Crime and Punishment Fyodor Dostoevsky When exactly does punishment happen for a crime? Is it when one is booked and held in prison? Or when one repents his action of crime?  Punishment starts at the very moment of conception of the crime. Fear, anxiety, paranoia and relentless vigilance in every single moment cause immense mental as well as physical distress for the criminal. "Crime and Punishment" opens the mind of Raskolnikov with its intricate thought patterns right from the moment of conception of his crime of a twin murder. The reader feels the burden of his mind, the turbulence of boiling concoctions of emotions and his mental as well as physical distress from the conception through planning, execution and the aftermath.. When each strand of thought in the mind of Raskolnikov is distinctly laid out, the reader is in an advantageous position to analyse his thoughts and actions. When Raskolnikov tries to colour his actions and cover up his guilt in some vag...

Indulgence Leaving home for a week, I was in an emotional turmoil... I was happy that I was going to spend a week With my overindulgent parents... I was looking forward to the lazy days  Of peace and pleasure... But then... I was anxious about my little balcony garden.. I was worried that in my absence  The plants may wither and die... I couldn't imagine that mishap. For, they kept me sane throughout lockdown... Saw my happiness and saw me cry... They did all they could to comfort me Dancing in the breeze...  producing tiny buds from nowhere.. Filling the air with fragrance... I had spent the previous week  In thorough research.. Looked into all those gardening videos  To find out an appropriate  system of self watering  For my lively companions... I gathered materials.. And spent a whole day to put it in place... Still I was anxious... What if a strong wind spoils the whole efforts.. My brother who sensed my anxiety  Offered to look a...

I'm an ardent fan of Margaret Atwood. Not just that I love her poetic style of writing and the stories she tells but also I adore the elderly characters she often portrays. Intelligent, humourous, smart old women. The Handmaid's Tale doesn't have such a character in a lead role, but one such makes her appearance here and there and we could feel the power she emanates. And she plays a major role in the sequel, The Testaments.  The Handmaid's Tale and The Testaments are dystopian novels. Set in a very patriarchal, theocratic society called Gilead. The democratic government of the US is ousted by a group called 'Sons of Jacob'. They have their own interpretations of scriptures and as always, women are the worst affected.  Powerful women are not tolerated. Women are stripped off rights to property, job, dress of one's choice, education, reading and even one's own body. A group of women are entrusted to train women to render them as reproductiv...

"What fabrications they are, mothers. Scarecrows, wax dolls for us to stick pins into, crude diagrams. We deny them an existence of their own, we make them up to suit ourselves -- our own hungers, our own wishes, our own deficiencies." Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin The Netflix movie "Tribhanga" reminded me of the above quote. We have our own expectations from our mothers. It's easier to find fault with the choices they took ( if at all they were bold enough to make choices of their own) in their lives for our messed up lives. Anu, an Odissi dancer, a Padma awardee ( played beautifully by Kajol) puts the characters of her mother, an eminent writer ( as always, expertly portrayed by Tanvi Azmi), her daughter and herself, in terms of Odissi dance postures. The journey from an "abhanga" ( slightly off balanced) grand mother through a "Tribhanga" ( complicated) daughter to a "samabhanga" ( well balanced) grand daughter...

Konkana Sen Sharma's impressive directorial debut. A family holiday in a remote hill station in Bihar during the winter of 1978, some bullying albeit unintentional, some incidents of violent adrenaline rush and an emotionally fragile protogonist. All actors from veterans Om Puri and Tanuja to the little girl, Arya Sharma did extremely well.But undoubtedly, Vikranth Masse as Shyamlal Chatterjee a.k.a.Shutu is superb and we can't but join him in his emotional rollercoaster ride. And that experience of slow but turbulent ride stays with you for a long time. Very well done Konkona and team!!!

Miss those evenings spent there... In that balcony overlooking periyar.. The meditative silence... Blissfully peaceful... Watching the clouds pouring into the river... Birds crossing the river in a hurry.. A lone determined fisherman with his boat.. The small garden on the banks.. Leaves-strewn small steps leading to a tiny gazebo... Mangooses making love in the lawn.. A snake slithering into the river from the thickets... The red and orange glow of the setting Sun.. Thanks to fb for bringing back all those beautiful memories...

The age old man- nature conflict is realistically captured in this Vidya Balan starrer directed by Amit Masurkar. Vidya Vincent as a forest officer faces the same old political interferences, patriarchal cliches and glaring hypocrisy in her line of duty. It is disheartening to see how the hard work of a group of well-intentioned people is thwarted by those elements.  The job of guarding forest and people is not easy and it is much easier to " pick your battles" as a celebrated offficer tells Vidya. But, Vidya is not someone to fight only the convenient battles. Though there is neither much acts of heroism nor long passionate dialogues, DFO Vidya Vincent is a real heroine. I loved Vidya for her subtle remarks against patriarchy and her retraction from the verge of quitting the job and her decision to fight from within the system with whatever resources that are available.  All actors did well. But, Vidya Balan carries "Sherni" on her shoulders through a ...

"The Colour Purple" is painted in the backdrop of lives of African Americans in rural Georgia and natives of Africa in early twentieth century. It is an epistolary novel in the form of Celie's letters to God and her sister Nettie and Nettie's letters to Celie. Celie's transformation from an abused and helpless teenager with rock-bottom self-esteem to a confident and independent woman is not a dramatic metamorphosis, rather it is a gradual evolution of a tiny spark within herself. The spark being her ability to love. Celie was physically, verbally and sexually abused as a teenage girl by her stepfather and later by her husband. With her self-esteem at rock- bottom, her only aim was to stay alive.  She wrote letters to God about her feelings in her not so perfect African American spoken English.  What makes 'The Colour Purple' so special is the depth of female characters. A few bold women come into Celie's life and make her see life in different perspect...

The Emperor of all Maladies Siddharth Mukherjee This book opened a floodgate of informations for me, regarding the Emperor of all maladies, cancer. For a disease that can metamorphose into myriad forms according to the site of attack, cancer is just an umbrella term. From a dreadful, whispered- only name, to something that can be fought and win, the story of war with cancer is reassuring.  The great thing about the book is that it is highly readable, albeit the scientific content. Dr. Siddharth Mukherjee is a biographer, scientific writer, researcher, historian and an oncologist - all in one.  A lot is added and is being added day by day to the biography of cancer, as a result of extensive research that is going on around the globe. But this book is still relevant for a layman to understand Cancer better. Wars are better fought by knowing the enemies better. Preetha Raj 

The Woman in the window A J FInn It's a coincidence that I started this book and Covid came to say hello. I think Covid is in a frenzy to cover each and every household before it finally takes a break. Let us hope that he takes a very long break.  So when I became infected, I got instructions from all the loved ones to take rest among so many other things. I liked the resting part best because now I can be in bed without guilt and read. And what if you have a psychological thriller in your hand!!!.Yes, the book is indeed a page turner. And hence I spent my first 2 days of Covid isolation in Anna Fox's four storied New York City home.  Anna Fox is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress, guilt, is severely agoraphobic, under psychotropic medications that might cause hallucinations, and a heavy drinker. She spends her days spying on the neighborhood through her window, watching old black and white movies, playing online chess and counselling people through an internet forum and ofc...

He can be portrayed by two or three  Simple pencil strokes....  He was as simple as that... The epitome of simplicity..  The Mahatma, father of our nation ... And he practiced what he preached.. Truth, nonviolence, and simple living... But, alas!! We could never understand him... May be because we are too complex... That we can't decipher simplicity... Ohhh!!! Yes!!!! How complex we are!!! For whatever be the issue, we need to seggregate it into... Politics, religion, caste, subcastes, regions and so on... In order to react...  How complex things are!!! In the meantime time.... There are muffled cries of daughters of India... From across the country... From bajra, wheat and sugarcane fields... From running cars, buses and trains.. Muffled because their tongues are bitten off... They are strangled and battered.... Or they are simply hanged... However, Bapu, We do celebrate your birthday every year... We pretend that we understand you.. We dress up and scatter flowers...

Jalsa on Amazon prime , directed by Suresh Triveni makes you think a bit. Maya Menon( Vidya Balan), a celebrity journalist, runs over a teenager who runs in front of her car past midnight. Stuck by panic, fear and confusion she flees from the spot.  Maya later realises that the girl is daughter of her cook Rukhsana( Shefali shah), who is very close to her disabled son. Maya arranges for the best treatment for the girl, but is tormented by guilt, fear and remorse. Ruksana's grief turns to anger when she finds out who is responsible for her daughter's accident.  Moral conflicts of various characters are palpable. Morality is something which always weighs lighter in personal contexts, even for someone like Maya who laments about facing and exposing truth. But then, the inner torments are something which vary according to the structures of super ego( a Freudian construct where moral values are stored). The stronger the super ego, the stronger the internal conflicts.  As usu...

Tomb of Sand Written by Geetanjali Shree in Hindi ( Ret Samadhi) Translated by Daisy Rockwell  A North Indian upper class family An octogenarian mother (Ma) A conventional elder son ( Bade) A Bohemian daughter (Beti) A typical daughter in law ( Bahu) A happy go lucky elder grandson ( Sid) An ambitious younger grandson ( foreign beta) And A hijra friend of Ma (Rosie) Ma had turned her back literally and figuratively on her family. She had lain down in bed facing the wall for long.  "She had gone tired of breathing for them, feeling their feelings, bearing their desires, carrying their animosities."  Then one day Ma absconded. When she was found after a day, Beti took charge of her care, switching roles, Beti taking the role of mother. In the freedom of Beti's home and under her care Ma shed layers of rusty societal coatings along with some dead cells and dirt from the body. She decided to dig out her past from the Tomb of Sand across the border.  Only Rosie knew a...

The Bell Jar Sylvia Plath Esther Greenwood, a college student, finds herself inside a bell jar quite often. Outside world looks surreal and eerily silent while she is inside. In spite of her scholarly achievements she struggles to get out of the bell jar of depression. She struggles to pick the right fruit from the fig tree of her life.  "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite ma...

Qala on Netflix With wonderful acting, minimum dialogues and effective visuals Qala pulls viewers into the darkness of mental instabilities. You can actually feel Qala's emotions through her childhood insecurity, youthful disturbance and adult distress. We grieve with her when she fails to get her mother's appreciation in spite of all the efforts throughout her life. We feel the pain of her self- doubt, guilt and depression. Director Anvita Dutt got it all right in this flick. Amit Trivedi's music complemented by lyrics brilliantly enhanced the mood. Tripti Dimri as Qala was awesome.  Preetha Raj

Alias Grace - television miniseries Directed by Mary Harron  "If we were all on a trial for our thoughts,  we would all be hanged."  Recently I have acquired an affinity for period flicks on Netflix, mostly adaptations of classics. Compared to reading, imagination is restricted but it is easier to get a hang of dressing styles, customs and life during that period of time., Mostly it was about beautiful ladies in heavy dresses doing silly things in search of suitors.  Then I came across Alias Grace, an adaptation of a book in the same name by Margaret Atwood. Margaret Atwood is one of my favourite authors. I love her soulful, philosophical narrative and sentences that sink into the depths of your heart.  Grace Marks, an Irish immigrant in Canada was convicted for a gruesome twin murder of her master Mr. Kinnear and his housekeeper and mistress, Nancy Montgomery in 1843. A beautiful teenager at that time, Grace claimed to have no memory of that day, and re...

Gulmohar on Hotstar Directed by Rahul V Chittella When Sharmila Tagore, Manoj Bajpayee and Amol Palekar are together in a movie, you are bound to be tempted to watch it, whatever the circumstances you are in. That's exactly what Gulmohar did. Did it rise to my expectations? The first half, yes. But the second half, I will have to say No. Graceful Sharmila Tagore as elegant and naughty Kusum Batra is perfect. Kusum reminded me of 'Ma ' of Tomb of Sand by Gitanjali Sree. Kusum held her philosophy - " It was meant to be" throughout her life and compromised with life's various twists and turns. Finally she hopes to take charge and give it a twist of her own. Indu, played beautifully by Simran, holds together her family with its dramatic characters , a secretive mother in law , an emotionally torn husband , a financially struggling son and a daughter struggling with her sexual orientation. Manoj Bajpayee did well as usual, though the character was not much of a...

The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah I recently read 'The Great Alone' by Kristen Hannah. The story was about a dysfunctional family and the trauma of a child growing up in such a family. Strong bonds of love, mental instabilities and insecurities caused by the war and struggles to survive extreme conditions were the major themes. But I felt it was a bit too dramatic for my taste, especially in the end. But as always, there were takeaways from that reading too. First one is the picturesque beauty of Alaskan wilderness; thick green forests, snow covered fields ,frozen lakes, northern lights, glaciers, green lagoons and hills and montains. The magic of midnight sun in summer and months-long night in winter refuses to release me from the spell. I yearn to go there and drink in the pristine beauty of nature. Second thing that affected me was the lifestyle of the people of Alaska. A state that experience very long harsh winters, the months of sunny days are spent on preparation for...

  Shuggie Bain Douglas Stuart In the library, even after reading the backcover reviews that warned of profound sadness, I decided to take "Shuggie Bain ".One of the reasons was that the setting was in Scotland. Memories of a recent Scotland trip was fresh in mind and I wanted to go there once again. A land of profound beauty with blue lakes, mountains, meadows and castles. On the way from "Locke Lomond" (A lake in the Highlands) to Edinburgh, while descending the mountains I even wondered whether that was the way angels descended from heaven to earth?!!!! Also, the settings reminded me of Hogwarts Magic Academy of Harry Potter which gave a mysterious aura to the place.  The story was all about struggles of little Shuggie Bain and his mother Agnes Bain. While Agnes was fighting an ever losing battle with alcoholism and perils of a broken marriage, little Shuggie had to struggle with unpredictable home atmosphere, bullying by neighborhood children and confusion re...

Afterlives Abdulrazak Gurnah Afterlives was written in the background of brutal colonization of East Africa by European countries.  "The Germans and the British and the Portuguese and the Italians and whoever else had their congress and signed their treaties", divided East Africa, made their maps and considered natives like natural resources that they came to exploit.  I had to Google a lot to gain some information about East Africa. My knowledge about the continent was limited. "That was how that part of the world at that time, every bit of it belonged to Europeans, at least on the map: British East Africa, Deutsch- Ostafrka, Africa Oriental Portuguesa, Congo Belge."  But the beauty of Afterlives is that amongst all the bloodshed and devastation, ("the soil was soaked in blood and corpses littered everywhere") a few people in a coastal town of Deutsch-Ostafrika, held on and led lives as normal as possible. Central to the narrative was Khalifa, an IndioAfr...

Beloved  Toni Morrison Beloved was inspired by the true story of a woman called Margaret Garner, who escaped slavery in 1856, only to be hunted down by slave catchers. She killed her little daughter with a knife rather than have her raised as a slave. The narrative was like a muddy stream nearing backwaters, that moved forward , backwards and stagnated in accordance with the tide. It's not easy to glide along and that's how Sethe's mind worked too, riddled with grief and guilt, ambiguous and traumatic. However hard she tried to keep moving forward, she was often flown backwards. Escaped from slavery, she was enslaved by the past. " Some things you forget. Other things you never do. But it's not. Places, places are still there. If a house burns down, it's gone, but the place--the picture of it--stays, and not just in my rememory, but out there, in the world. What I remember is a picture floating around out there outside my head. I mean, even if I don't think...

SPOILER ALERT!! The Secret History Donna Tartt The Secret History is the story of a murder narrated by one of the accomplices to the crime, Richard Papen. Henry, Francis, Charles, Camilla, Edmond and Richard were students of an elite Vermont college who pursued Classics under a charismatic professor Julian.  With his charismatic and sophisticated ways Julian, a highly connected and knowledgeable teacher greatly influenced his students. They looked upto him as a father figure and were proud to be his students and formed a cult like association.  It was Henry who convinced others the need to eliminate Edmond aka Bunny.It was alarming to see how easily others complied!! It was true that Bunny with his irksome speech and manners irritated everyone of them, and each had reasons to get rid of him.  Was it Alcohol, drugs or psychological issues that led to the crime? Or was it an urge to Implement violent ancient ways into the modern world? Or was it the interpretation of anci...

It is nice to break the routine To eject from the orbit  To roam around to see different,  To feel different, to eat different And inside the magic world  of a two- year old, it is all about  playing, singing, dancing and cooking Slides and swings.. stories, poems and dreams.. Now back in the orbit, lazy and dreamy Mind still reluctant to fall into the groove, I can hear Gajapati kulapati's loud sneeze, Aaaaaaaaachoooooooooooooo... I can see the very hungry caterpillar looking for food and eating around And their little friend busily walikg around  with those invisible springs in her feet.. Preetha Raj

The main theme of 2023 was hospitals, blood tests, scans, reviews and so on. But that is expected when there are plenty of greying hairs at home. Amidst all these there were festivals, get-togethers celebrations, leisurely drives and a trip to Bahrain to be with the little one. So, no complaints 2023, you were kind enough. I used to have a bundle of resolutions ready to move from December to January albeit having those mostly untouched by the end of the year. I intend to carry no such bundle to 2024.  Not that there is no scope for improvement or it is hopeless to try. It is simply that, I guess, the present form is fairly good to go and I don't want to burden my drooping shoulders further. I just hope to find some balance to carry on. So, here I am 2024, ready to cling onto your wings and go... Swoooshhhhh.. I wish all my fellow travellers a happy and safe journey on board 2024. Preetha Raj

Three of us Directed by Avinash Arun  One's need to have a closure to some deeply buried traumatic memories becomes urgent, if those memories are about to fade soon. That is why having diagnosed with early onset dementia, Shailaja sets out to Vengurla with her husband. She wants to search for her 'self' and find out her 'Udgam' , the origin. Shailaja goes through her childhood memories, relives them with the help of Pradeep (portrayed beautifully byJaideep Ahalwat) and some other friends. The journey helps her unburden her painful memories.  Shefali Shah expertly carries Shailaja through her lively past to mundane present and to her fear of future oblivion. Swanand Kirkire perfected Dipankar, the husband who is slightly bewildered and irritated by his wife's sudden backtracking to territories unknown to him. "Three of us" is an artistically crafted movie, supported by excellent acting and beautiful visuals. A must watch. Preetha Raj

A Broken Dream A beautiful dream was broken  when I woke up with a start.. I stayed in bed closing my eyes, hoping to gather the broken pieces  But, that is not how dreams work You just can't mend a dream..  Once broken, always broken.. Life is just a dream we live It could be broken anytime  Enjoy it as long as it lasts You'll never know when  you'll be woken up and taken away  Leaving behind a broken dream... Preetha Raj

The Assessment  The Assessment streaming on Amazon Prime is a dystopian, Sci- fi movie. It is set in sometime in future where the world has ran out of natural resources and people have to live in controlled dwellings. Those couple who wish to have a child have to undergo rigorous assessment and the chances of a positive outcome is bleak.  Though this particular genre is not my cup of tea, I should agree that the movie is engaging. I wish there is some kind of assessment for future parents these times too. That would have saved many children from abuse and suffering.  Preetha Raj