Parenting, infancy and childhood.
Parenting is not an easy task. There are no general rules for parenting. Each parent is different, so is each child. But there are certain tips with some psychological, theoretical background, which can be used as a blueprint for young parents. No theory can replace the creativity and common sense of parents.
I am going to put forward some points to be pondered, based upon one of the many theories of psychosocial development. That is Eric Erikson's theory of psychosocial development.
According to Eric Erikson, personality develops in eight stages spread across the lifespan of an individual. In each stage an individual has to successfully negotiate certain psychosocial conflicts. The first four stages deal with childhood. Let us only look into the practical aspects leaving the theoretical elaboration. Let us take the stages and see what a parent should do to help the child to be successful to negotiate conflicts in each stage.
First stage from 0- 1 year
This is the stage an individual acquires the virtue of hope. Dependable and consistent parenting is what the infant need to acquire 'hope' and to see the world as trustworthy.
What parents should do;
1. Try to form consistent and dependable bond with the infant.
2. The infant's needs are to be attended as and when required.
3. Inconsistent parenting may lead to anxiety, insecurity and fear.
Second stage from 1to 3 years
This is the time the toddler is trying to be independent. He acquires the virtue of 'will' at this stage.
What parents should do;
1. Provide an encouraging environment for the toddler to do things himself, within his limits.
2. Be patient with him while he is trying to put on a dress or play with toys.
3. Help him if he is not successful even after many attempts or if he asks for help.
4. Interfering and impatient parenting may lead to low self-esteem and doubt in one's own abilities.
Third stage is between 3 to 5 years.
It is a rapid growing stage for a child. She is interacting more with other children and develop social skills.
What parents should do;
1 Be supportive with the child's plans and initiatives.
2. Try to give right answers to her numerous curious queries., never treat her as a nuisance.
3. At the same time, misdeeds are to be pointed out and corrected.
4. A healthy balance between initiative and guilt leads to self confidence and a feeling of security.
Fourth stage 6 to 12 years of age
It is the time peer group becomes the most significant in the child's life. The need for approval leads to expression of specific competencies or skills.
What parents should do;
1. Parents should encourage the skills and competencies and help to develop them.
2. Constructive criticism is also necessary.
Because a balance between competence and modesty is essential for a healthy personality.
3. Never push a child to achieve skills and competencies that the parents fancy. Let the child grow up as an independently competent individual.
Now some general points to keep in mind through all the above stages.
1. Be emotionally available to your child. This means if the child wants to tell or share with you something, be there for him. Take time to listen him. That will strengthen the bond between you and the child will open up to you at a time of crisis.
2. Spend quality time with your child. Tell and read them age appropriate stories. Bedtime stories are a good medium to instill moral values in children.
3. Encourage them to be kind and polite individuals. Teach them manners and and to say polite words.
4. It is better to educate your child about personal boundaries at the earliest. But remember to use age appropriate methods. Tutorials from reliable sources can give you guidelines.
5. Always remember that you are the role model for your child. Preaching what you don't practice will make the child confused.
6. Remember each child has his own unique sets of capabilities and skills. You as a parent just need to provide a nurturing environment.
Let them bloom in their own ways..
Know your child, enjoy his company, enjoy parenthood.
Preetha Raj
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